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Oh, but Sirius was lovely like this: lower lip red where he'd bitten it, glossy dark hair in disarray, his normally pale eyes darkened. That it would be Remus who got to see him like this! It had seemed impossible, but there he was, and even though a blush bloomed up on his pale face, he was grinning his usual wicked grin.
And Remus did what he always did.
"Well, all right," he said.
The grin grew even wider. "Brilliant," Sirius said. "You'll see. You'll love it."
Meaning you and James used to love it, Remus thought, but now he won't touch anybody but Evans and you need a substitute.
It must have made his face change, because Sirius leaned closer. "Come on, Moony. Trust me."
But we both know I can't trust you, don't we? Because whatever you do, somehow the consequences fall on everyone but you. You hurt everyone, Sirius, everyone but yourself.
-- but then instead of touching his own cock, Sirius was touching Remus', and the noise Remus made was something that had never come out of his mouth at this phase of the moon.
"Good, huh? Totally different to your own hand. I told you so."
He couldn't even get enough breath to answer. Oh -- oh -- Sirius was doing this to him, grinning at him in the curtained darkness of his bed, and if he looked at that grin a second longer he was going to come in Sirius' hand.
And then Sirius leaned closer and said, low and wicked, "Let me kiss you, Moony. That's brilliant, too."
Remus opened his eyes in shock.
"C'mon. Doesn't mean anything. Just makes it better. Trust me."
He wanted it. He wanted it so badly that that alone was evidence that he shouldn't have it, but how could he say no? What the hell did it matter that he was second choice, that he really didn't even know what had put him in line ahead of Peter? What did it matter, when Sirius was looking at him, looking almost hurt, and his hand was moving so fast on Remus' cock, and his face was moving closer -- he didn't need Remus' permission, not really, he knew Remus couldn't stop him, not like this, and --
Yes, I will let you hurt me. Yes, I will let you use me. Yes, I will watch you leave me. Yes.
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July 15, 2004