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You're a Spiteful Bitch!
hy I Hurt the Ones I Love
by Cyndiana

Many who have read my fanfic come to the same conclusion…I’m a man-hating, spiteful bitch (as my title implies) that loves to see men in pain.  That, however true, is entirely beside the point!  (Just kidding men, you can stop protecting your “equipment”, I’ll play nice!)  I think that even extreme violence in fan fiction is as necessary as it is in other literary forms.

Let me explain why I choose to hurt even those I truly admire in my stories.  My chosen muse is the German industrial band Rammstein.  They are most certainly a band built on extremes.  From their fiery stage shows to their often melodic lyrics, little is black or white about them…And I hate that…I like extremes.  The lead singer is this hulk of a man, who seems perpetually sweaty, and unwaveringly menacing.  I’m sure he’s sweet and loving and loves ice cream and his mother, but that’s not my fantasy.  I write Rammstein slash, so now what I’m going to say will make more sense.  I don’t want him to be loving, I want him to be brooding and virile and explosive, the man he is on stage.  I don’t care if he saves kittens from storm drains when he’s not on stage, he doesn’t do it in my stories!  I like the element of extreme violence in fanfic, but not violence for violence’s sake…Just like I’m not a fan of PWP because I choose to read slash because I like the STORY.  If I didn’t want a plot I’d much rather watch porn.  In my stories, Till (the previously mentioned lead singer) is a seething man, fighting some unnamed demon within himself, and making his other band members (and crew members) pay for it with their tender backsides!  This may sound brutish, but I use this brutality to lead into a deeper story, the story under the story…Why is he this way?  Why does he feel he has to express in violence that which he cannot express in love?  My stories usually end with the brute (which has also been Rammstein’s guitarist Richard in other of my stories) being brought to repentance, usually through the careful loving guidance of a friend who ends up more than a friend…I know, typical h/c slash, but that’s not my point.  If I made Till only slightly mean (putting snot on his band mates, etc) I wouldn’t be able to bring out a deep, emotional back-story like I can with his brutality.

Now then, to a subject that until recently I was quite uncomfortable with:  character death.

I know, “death is a part of life” but good fiction is supposed to revolve around everything the author wishes that life was and wasn’t…right?  A friend of mine told me about a Rammstein slash that had one of the members die in it.  I was furious!  “No, not him, you’ve got to be kidding!  Why?  Didn’t they like him?  How can they not like HIM?!  What a cruel thing to do!”  I then actually READ it, and the character’s death actually broadened the scope of the story.  Again, the brutality of the character’s death allowed for a deeper exploration of their chosen main character.  It allowed a depth to not only the relationship of the main character (Richard, in the case of the story I read) to the deceased (Olli), but his relationships with his fellow band mates as well.  Sometimes just because you kill off a character it doesn’t mean you don’t like them, necessarily, it means you feel that for your particular story, you can do more with them in death, than you could with them alive.  In fact, in an upcoming fic, I’m killing off a character. 

That is what fan fiction is all about.  You get to play God in a sense with the people or fictional characters you most enjoy or admire.  You create their world for them, you command their every move, and you destroy as you see fit.  That is why I cherish fan fiction.  I’m not about to try to walk up to Rammstein’s Till Lindeman and say, “Ok, you’re going to be fucking him, raping him, but it’s not really rape, because he’s only letting you THINK you’re doing it against his will, but all the while HE’S secretly in love with you, Till, and he brings you to realize that you’re only so cruel because you’re taking your homophobic angst out on him over there.  Then he dies.”  Yeah, after I got out of the loony bin (if EVER!)  I’d come to the conclusion I have now:  I’ll keep it in my slash.

So you see, as in all literature, sometimes a little vileness is necessary to allow for a deeper, more beautiful outcome.  Don’t knock it until you write it!

Back to my slash, whip in hand, Cyndiana

P.S.  If you want to see how much of a “spiteful bitch” I can be, you can read my work at my site I take submissions, and comments happily!

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