I wasn't going to put up a limericks section, until someone on one of my mailing lists posted a limerick challenge. And I went a little bananas. <g> Not all of these are from that time, though -- I've answered other limerick challenges in the past.
The majority of these are slash-oriented, although at least one is gen. I've broken them out by fandom.

written at various times during 1995-99



by Arduinna


Forever Knight

The challenge was to write a limerick with the opening line "There once was a vampire named Nick" (and to write it without using the word 'brick', for reasons which will be apparent to an FK fan, and would take too long to explain here to a non-FK fan - so take my word for it, 'kay? <g>). The limerick had to be UFfish, as well (the slashers in online FK fandom call our/themselves members of the Unnamed Faction -- Unnamed after Oscar Wilde's "love that dare not speak its name" and Faction because online FK fans like factions <g>).

There once was a vampire named Nick
who gave an encouraging lick
he meant just to tease
but fell fast to his knees
When his Pop rose straight up like a wick


There once was a vampire named Nick
who, while splashing about in a crick,
soaked his master unknowing,
then smiled, quite glowing,
saying "It's better when you've a wet prick!"


There once was a vampire named Nick,
who was tired of the same boring schtick
--dames with flat teeth - apalling!
guys with no necks - how galling!--
til LaCroix showed him a brand-new rope trick

There was an addendum to the above challenge, posted by someone who was sick of watching the media blizt about the Clinton scandal. She wanted a limerick that started with the same line, was UFfish, and included the names "Lewinski" and "Lapinski".

There once was a vampire named Nick
Who turned off the tube with a click
Enough of Lapinski
Too much of Lewinski
When upstairs a-quiver - cold dick


The Sentinel

This was a carryover from the Forever Knight challenge -- I was thinking in limericks, and couldn't resist.

There once was a cop name of Jim
who deliberately kept his sight dim
turned his hearing down low,
said to taste and smell "no"
The better to feel Blair in him


There once was a student named Blair
who was pleased to be part of a pair
yeah, it felt a bit weird
to wake up next to beard --
oh, wait! that's not stubble, that's hair!


Highlander (the movie)

This one is older, and gen, not slash.

There once was a man from Glenfinnan,
Whose kin thought the Devil was in 'im,
They drove him away,
But he lives to this day,
Takin' heads -- 'cause it's him who'll be winnin'.



This is another 'movie' limerick, for a movie starring Christopher Lambert. On dragon-l, the mailing list for Christopher Lambert fans, there was a limerick contest (actually, that's why I wrote the Highlander limerick, too), and I submitted this one.

Young Dani was sought high and low
For knowledge left him by his bro
By that brother betrayed
By a hunter then saved
Now Dani is rich, don'cha know.


Kung Fu: The Legend Continues

When the FUsion list stays quiet too long, people have a tendency (for whatever masochistic reason I can't fathom) to say "limericks!" to me. And this is what results. (The first one has a little something for everyone -- it's the closest I've ever come (or ever will come) to writing Peter/Pop. Just in case you need a warning on that stuff.)

Young Peter was feeling quite keen
But found himself caught in a Scene --
On the one hand his cop
On the other his Pop --
Poor lad, stuck betwixt and between.


Kermit knew they'd just barely begun,
that tonight he would score the home run.
So at Peter he smiled,
said "Let's walk on the wild--
Come upstairs, and I'll show you my gun."


To Simms big butch Kermit did say,
"Get off me, goddammit, I'm gay!"
She left in a huff,
He muttered, "how rough!"
And, relieved, settled in to crochet.


There once was a merc name of Kermit,
Who thought he should live like a hermit.
Till along came a loudmouth,
Who sent Kermit's brain south --
Now the hermit's in pairbond, goldurnit.


There once was a straight man named Peter,
but a watcher thought gay would be neater.
There's nothing so scary
as a drunk evil fairy --
Now Peter's an up-ended bleater.



There, so far that's it. Congratulations on making it all the way down the page! :)

~ fin ~

Feedback of any sort, from one line to detailed crit, is always welcome, at arduinna at trickster dot org.


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